I Get Lifted

In a period of two weeks, I've had two painful root canals (90 minutes each), a broken tooth, and a filling fall out. I've been to the dentist more times in two weeks than I have in 20 years. So, I had to endure a few days of little or no solid foods, then soft foods that are carefully chewed. Mush, basically.

Needless to say, my teeth had justifiable cause to turn against me. Sugar for me has always been like crack to Whitney. Now, my teeth are about as frail as Mrs. Brown. Both are a ways from full healing and health. My dentist ordered an extension to his house when he saw my most recent X-rays (actually, it was a lecture, a strict prohibition of sweets, and an ominous prediction of many more visits to come).

Because of all the oral issues, I was on painkillers with wonderful side effects. Mainly, drowsiness and dizziness. Walking down the street and swaying like a drunk was a fascinating feeling. Clutching a street sign to steady oneself wasn't.

Thankfully, I've been pain free for about five days now and off the painkillers for four days. The constant foggy feeling is finally lifting. And as I'm feeling more like myself again, I wanted to share what I learned while I was in the fog:

-Noah's Arc is so much funnier when vicodin kicks in. Same for Gilligan's Island.

-The texture of silken tofu really does get on your nerves after a couple days. Especially when you're craving something, anything, you can chew.

-Venus and Serena both suffering embarrassing early losses at the Australian open doesn't hurt at all.

-My Dolphins made the playoffs, right?

-Those 6 boxes of Girl Scout cookies I ordered were only to support the kids. Really, I'm not gonna eat them. Really.

-Forgetting that you were drinking Diet Coke with Lime when you decide to fill your half empty glass with Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi is a cruel trick to play on your taste buds.

-Your friends and family really do love hearing for the 8th time that day you had another root canal. Their offering cheese to you is a sign of their willingness to hear it for the 9th time.

-The maid will wash the dishes. Thank God for paper plates... ain't seen her in a while... must be her month off.

-Bea Arthur is one sexy broad! And so is Dick Cheney.

Hmmm... I'm feeling a little tingle in my mouth. Maybe one more dip in the fog for old times sake.

-shim (looking longingly at the almost empty bottle of vicodin)